Banned IPL Ads. Amazingly Funny!

A banned adv during IPL

Once upon a time

• Once upon a time leadership mattered, now dealership rules the world.
• Once upon a time quality was craftsman’s pride, now it is a departmental mess.
• Once upon a time mouse was an untouchable mammal, now it is handheld pest. Once upon a time wisdom was cultivated by wise people, now it is flashed on T-shirts.
• Once upon a time teacher taught and students learned, now teacher trade and students consume.
• Once upon a time population was a problem, now it is a flourishing mass market.
• Once upon a time competition brought out the best, now it brings out the worst in people.
• Once upon a time there was a golden rule, now if you have gold, you rule.
• Once upon a time truth telling was good for your soul, now it is bad for promotion.
• Once upon a time success meant living by ideals, now it is about using above all principles.
• Once upon a time beauty was in the eye of the beholder, now it is booming business.
• Once upon a time the government was clean and s** was dirty, now one doesn’t know.

[Joke] Domain Knowledge

Guy was telling the story to his IT friends and trying to explain the Importance of domain knowledge….

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me and my brother who is four years older than I am. I was maybe 3 and half years old and had just recovered from an accident in which my arm had been broken among other injuries.

Someone had given me a little ‘tea set’ as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news and my brother was playing nearby in the living room when I brought Daddy a little cup of ‘tea’, which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home.

My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was ‘just the cutest thing!!’

My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up, then she says to him, ‘Did it ever occur to you that the only place that baby can reach to get water is the toilet??’

….Mothers know!!

MORAL OF THE STORY:
Domain knowledge is very important!!! Else your supplier will trick you……

 

40 Things You Wish You Could Say At Work

1. I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of shit.
2. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.
7. I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don’t work here. I’m a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a damn word you’re saying.
10. Ahhh…I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don’t give a damn.
14. I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
20. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
21. It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, in fact I AM an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be….?
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
33. Can I trade this job for what’s behind door #1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic, & disorder – my work here is done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.
39. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
40. Oh I get it…like humor…but different.

Garden Grass Snakes can be dangerous

>> Yes grass snakes.
>>
>>
>>
>> Not rattlesnakes.
>>
>>
>>
>> Here’s why.
>>
>>
>>
>> A couple in Sweetwater,Texas, had a lot of potted plants.
>>
>>
>>
>> During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors
>> to protect them from a possible freeze.
>>
>>
>>
>> It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of
>> the plants, and when it warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it
>> go under the sofa.
>>
>>
>>
>> She let out a very loud scream.
>>
>>
>>
>> The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked
>> to see what the problem was.
>>
>>
>>
>> She told him there was a snake under the sofa.
>>
>>
>>
>> He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it.
>>
>>
>>
>> About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind.
>>
>>
>>
>> He thought the snake had bitten him; so he scramed and fell over on the
>> floor.
>>
>>
>>
>> His wife thought he had had a heart attact, so she covered him up, told
>> him to lie still and she called the ambulance.
>>
>>
>>
>> The attendants rushed in, wouldn’t listen to his protest and loaded him
>> on the stretcher and started carring him out.
>>
>>
>>
>> About that time, the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency
>> Medical Technicain saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher.
>>
>>
>>
>> That’s when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital.
>>
>>
>>
>> The wife still had the problem with the snake in the house; so she called
>> a neighbor who volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a
>> rolled-up newapaper and began poking under the sofa.
>>
>>
>>
>> Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the on
>> the sofa in relief.
>>
>>
>>
>> But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she
>> felt the snake wriggling around.
>>
>>
>>
>> She screamed and fainted;  the snake rushed back under the sofa.
>>
>>
>>
>> The neighbor man seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to
>> revive her.
>>
>>
>>
>> The neighbor’s wife who had just returned from shopping at the grocery
>> store, saw her husband’s mouth on the woman’s mouth and slammed her
>> husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him
>> out and cutting his scalp to a point where he needed stitches.
>>
>>
>>
>> The noise woke the woman from her dead faint, and she saw her neighbor
>> lying on the floor with his wife bending over him. So she assumed he had
>> been bitten by the snake.
>>
>>
>>
>> So she went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began
>> pouring it down the man’s throat.
>>
>>
>>
>> By now the police had arrived.
>>
>>
>>
>> The saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a
>> drunken fight had occured.They were about to arrest them all, when the
>> women tried to explain how it all happened over a little green
>>
>> snake.
>>
>>
>>
>> The police called an ambulance which took away the neighbor and his
>> sobbing wife.
>>
>>
>>
>> Now again the little green snake crawled out from under the sofa, and one
>> of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and
>> hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over; the lamp on it
>> shattered, and as the bulb broke, it started a fire in the drapes.
>>
>>
>>
>> The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell thru the
>> window into the yard on top of the family dog, who startled jumped out
>> and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it, and
>> smashed into the police car.
>>
>>
>>
>> Meanwhile, the burning drapes were seen by neighbors who called the fire
>> department.
>>
>>
>>
>> The firemen had started raising the fire ladder when they were halfway
>> down the street. The ladder tore out the overhead wires and put out the
>> power and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square block area (but
>> they did get the house fire out).
>>
>>
>>
>> Time passed!
>>
>>
>>
>> Both men were discharged from the hospital; the house was repaired; the
>> dog came home; the police acquired a new car, and all was right with
>> their world.
>>
>>
>>
>> A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold
>> snap for the night.
>>
>>
>>
>> The wife asked her husband if thought they should bring in their plants
>> for the night.
>>
>>
>> And that’s when he shot her.

 

Really cool Coca Cola AD

Iraqi Gets $240,000 for T-Shirt Incident

An Iraqi-born resident of the United States who was ordered to cover a T-shirt with Arabic script before boarding a plane in New York has received $240,000 in a settlement with two officials of the Transportation Safety Administration and JetBlue Airways.

The Iraqi, Raed Jarrar, was headed for a JetBlue flight from John F. Kennedy International Airport to Oakland, Calif., in August 2006 when, according to court papers, he was told at a security checkpoint that his T-shirt, which said “We will not be silent” in Arabic and English, would have to go.

One federal employee, according to Mr. Jarrar’s account, told him that wearing a shirt with Arabic script to an airport was like going to the bank in a shirt that said “I am a robber.”

Ultimately, the JetBlue workers gave Mr. Jarrar another T-shirt to wear over the first one, and led him to a seat at the back of the plane, even though his original ticket had been issued for a seat at the front.

In an interview, Mr. Jarrar, 30, a legal resident, called the experience “very painful.” At the time, he said, he was a new immigrant to the United States and had been reading histories of discrimination and the civil rights movement, which he thought of as “things that happened in the past, and in this other place and time.”

“When it happened to me,” he said, “it was very much of a shock.”

Try this at home.

Really funny. Watch till the end…

Have heard of home-made porn… but a home-made song sequence .. Atleast not something so hilarious…

 

India TV’s Headlines

While on the subject of stupid news channels, I came across this blog. It’s hilarious. Am adding this blog to my rss reader. And I LOVE the comments, that the author has added to each post. It’s damn funny!!!!

Here are some pics from the blog. They should tell you what to expect in that blog.

 

 

You tow me, I tow you!