Pakistani media’s devoted news reader

Intimidation Fail

 

Many things wrong with this. We could start from the title itself

Matrix on windows XP

 

Now that we are all talking about not using MACs

And you thought you had problems?

And as the comment in the page rightfully puts it –

Comment by Saad Akhtar on November 3, 2008 9:54 am

Love it! I’m totally calling up these people. Bound to have at least SOMETHING from this list.

Good effort from their side… at least they read each of the problems. And one of them was deafness.

~ladies problems?~

[ source: Got Problems? ]

MBA fresher’s probation period

This one just made my day which started out pretty gloomy just as usual. After reading this, I laughing so hard that it brightened up the rest of my day….

Its kind of long, but totally worth it hyeah:

July 27th
Dear Diary,
I can’t hold myself down. My FIRST day on the job!! And I like it already.

“Assistant Junior Deputy to the Vice Chairman – Manufacturing”. My dad was thrilled when he heard my designation.

“What the f!@#!!!” were his exact words. Oh I love it when my parents are happy…

Need to meet HR in half an hour. I can’t wait to get my first Employee ID Card and cubicle. I hope Parthasarathy Whatayblouse Crappers (PWC) is the beginning of great things.

P.S. I have brought my favorite textbooks back from the institute OD, OM and HR should help me grow rapidly in the organization. And I WILL handle soft issues before facing hard issues here at PWC.

July 28th
Dear Diary,
Had a lot of fun with HR yesterday. The guy who had recruited me had left a month ago. So they didn’t know I was joining. We had a hearty laugh over that one.

I’ll get my cubicle in a few days time. For the time being I am sharing a nice one with Claire. She’s with Corporate Communication.

The phone doesn’t work though…

August 2nd
Dear Diary,
Met my boss today. He spent a lot of time with my CV and then asked me how I managed to get a job with them. (Even he knows how lucky they are to get me..) He told me to review our material ordering system in the err… umm… the… the “big yellow and blue noisy machine section” of the plant.

Claire is working on an “Our Employees Love Us” campaign. The office boy had just resigned. So she got me to pose with an apron and a tray of cookies for a photo. They are going to call me Ramon and use it for
ads. I am going to be famous.

August 7th
Dear Diary,
My first breakthrough. I have decided to order nickel ball bearings using the EQO.. QEO… whatever formula. It takes into account item cost, holding cost and weight of ball bearing I think. The purchase guy gave me a funny look when he saw my annual requisition contract form. He is obviously not an MBA…

Claire resigned today. She told me carry on with the “Our Employees Love Us” campaign.

P.S. Lesson for the week. You cannot order 0.7564 of a ball bearing. It has to be in whole numbers.

August 11th
Dear Diary,
I just got a shipment of 4384 ball bearings. I checked up with Engineering.

They said that should be enough for around 14 years of requirement. I gave them 3 and stashed away the rest in a cupboard in my room. If prices of ball bearings go up, I see a lot of potential savings.

I have decided to develop informal channels of communication. From tomorrow I will spend a little time next to the coffee machine to understand the unspoken messages within the underbelly of the firm.

(That OD book is good)

August 14th
Dear Diary,
I sent my first official letter today. It was to our Facilities manager Merry Le Bian. She is a hottie. I told her that the Coffee Machine takes too much time to reheat between refills. Wrote it in a WAC format and all with a table of contents and everything. She is sure going to be impressed!! I spell checked it in MS word and emailed it to her an hour ago. No reply yet.

They scrapped the “Our Employees Love Us” campaign. The photo shoot was taking up too much time, and people were being forced to stay late without extra pay. Someone finally went and vandalised the banner.
It now reads “Our Employers Shove Us“. I offered to model for all the snaps and videos. They called me a ********. I was delighted. ******** is internal slang for “Big Stud”. HR told me. Everyone calls me that…

P.S. One more shipment of ball bearings came. Again 4384. The contract can’t be changed now. I dont have too much space left in my cupboard.

August 25th
Dear Diary,
My letter came back. It had a pink post-it on it from Merry. “Please proofread” it said. It was CC’d to my boss. How was I supposed to know MS Word would spell check her name and change it to Merry Lesbian????!!!!

Where’s natural justice?

Today five minutes before a meeting the cupboard door broke open. It took me ten minutes to pick up all the ball bearings from the floor. I had to run to the board room for the meeting and slipped on a bearing which rolled under the door. I fell on the coffee machine and tipped coffee powder into the polymer mixing matching tray. No one saw anything.

P.S. Sorry for the long break. My computer crashed. There was a mail from an old friend. She’s now married into the Welchia family I think.

Crashed after that. Strange name that Welchia…

September 2nd
Dear Diary,
My boss told me I may not last the probation period. I was mighty thrilled to hear that. Imagine!! Permanent in less than three months!!

That should be some sort of company record.

I made a presentation to all the staff yesterday. Some 300 people were there. I think I sent good vibes. Everyone was smiling and nodding their heads during the presentation. Someone later told me my fly was open the whole time. But I don’t think anyone noticed. The presentation was on “An Open Culture: Let the feeling show!!”

p.s. 17156 ball bearings. I floated a scheme to give each employee a ball bearing for every year of service. The HR manager immediately convened a meeting with my boss. Every suggestion counts here at PWC.

September 4th
Dear Diary,
I have been transferred to the office in Sub-Saharan Africa . I will be heading the Room Heater and Hot Water Geyser products division. They have also told me to pay for all the ball bearings I bought. I think it speaks much of the entrepreneurial spirit. I have been told to leave immediately for Kujumbinana.

P.S. A foreign posting in under a year!!!

September 5th
Dear Diary,
I am in Kujumbinana. We don’t have a branch here…

It makes sense…

A prospective juror in a Dallas District Court was surprised by the
definition of voluntary manslaughter given the panel:

“an intentional killing that occurs while the defendant is under
the immediate influence of sudden passion arising from an
adequate cause, such as when a spouse’s mate is found in a
‘compromising position.’”

“See, I have a problem with that passion business,” responded the jury
candidate. “During my first marriage, I came in and found my husband in
bed with my neighbor. All I did was divorce him. I had no idea that I
could have shot him.”

She wasn’t selected for the jury.

Orkut in Tamil

I found this interesting article. I do not know how to read Tamil. Still, I could figure out most of it. If you understand Tamil, you might find it much more amusing I am posting the entire post here. Couldn’t help it

I never noticed orkut had started offering services in tamil till today and I changed the interface to tamil and believe it or not I like it. Lot of stuff that makes sense but there are a few things that are very funny check them out.

I know I’m poor single fellow without a girl friend but does orkut have to say it so explicitly???

Never knew chance was a tamil word ??? When did they add it??

Check this out… Can somebody pliss explain wtf is “tiranda kalyanam”

Introducing “ketta jokes” and “uzhnokka jokes”… hope you get the meaning

I bet the coder was sure a Chennaihite..

And I thought getting a “munaivar pattam” was getting a Phd.. not so?? somebody explain pliss

What do you mean by a “muslim” psyche ???

Never miss an oppurtunity

A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands their money. Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, “Did you see me rob this bank?”

The man replied, “Yes sir, I did.” The robber then shot him in the temper , killing him instantly.

He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, “Did you see me rob this bank?”

The man replied, “No sir, I didn’t, but my wife did!”

Moral – When Opportunity knocks…. MAKE USE OF IT !!!!

At times, Destiny ‘chases’ you…

Sometimes you know that its just not your day… Sometimes you don’t.

Jacques LeFevrier left nothing to chance when he decided
to commit suicide. He stood at the top of a tall cliff and
tied a noose around his neck. He tied the other end of the
rope to a large rock. He drank some poison and set fire to
his clothes. He even tried to shoot himself at the last
moment.

He jumped and fired the pistol. The bullet missed him and
cut through the rope above him. Free of the threat of hanging,
he plunged into the sea. The sudden dunking extinguished the
flames and made him vomit the poison. He was dragged out of the
water by a kind fisherman and was taken to hospital, where he
died … of exposure!

Just how bad can your day be?