How to kill a Lion

How to kill a Lion in the context of Indian IT coms. No offense to anybody working in these companies. This mail has been floating around and I found it in my inbox today morning. I am really amused by the creativity people have put in to add to this list. People who know Indian IT companies and read this in that context would be able to relate more to the humor.

**I was trying to submit this post to some social bookmarking sites and found more variations! It gets even more interesting! 😉

Cognizant Method:

  1. Hire a lion… ask him to stay for late nights but give him no work to do.
  2. Give him gobi 65 to eat again and again.
  3. Hire 100 more lions but do not increase the space to sit
  4. Give them same gobi 65 to eat
  5. Hire 200 more……. and more …….

TCS method:

  1. Hire a lion
  2. Give him hell a lot of work and pay him government salary
  3. Lion dies of hunger and frustration

IBM’s metbod:

  1. Hire a lion, give him a pink slip in an hour …
  2. He dies of unemployment…

Wipro Method:

  1. Hire a Lion
  2. Give him a mail Id.
  3. He will die recieving stupid mails all day……..!!!!

Syntel Method:-

  1. Hire a Cat …
  2. Assure him that he will eventually become a Lion once he reaches onsite and
  3. Make sure that he never reaches onsite.
  4. Cat dies in hope of becoming a Lion….

MBT method:

  1. Hire the lion, make him take 14 tests
  2. Tell him that if he doesn’t score 60% in all those, he will lose the job.
  3. Lion dies of the strain

i-Flex method:

  1. Hire a lion???.oops cow, tell him he is a lion, send him in African safari
  2. For implementing flexcube in god forbidden territories, tell him if he comes alive he will get band movement (promotion)
  3. Holy cow dies in fear of the real lion

COSL Method:

  1. Hire a lion .
  2. Tell him to merge with Goats (polaris) and reduce his allowance…
  3. Lion dies from fear that tommorrow he might become a goat…..

Polaris Method :

  1. Hire ..sorry….purchase a lion(COSL) ..
  2. Change his timings…(instead of 9 AM …change it to 8:30 AM )
  3. Cut down his allowance (coupons etc)
  4. Lion dies from fear of becoming CAT…..

Patni method:

  1. Hire a lion, give him a salary of a cat…
  2. The lion dies before joining….

Accenture Method:

  1. Hire a lion….
  2. Send him to chennai, India
  3. Ask him to stay on bench for a long time
  4. Ask him to eat idli, Dosa and Vada
  5. No hindi, kannada or no other languages speaking ppl other than TAMIL…
  6. No good food, No water..and specially No Beautiful girls
  7. And say him “Go Ahead be a Tiger”.
  8. Lion dies in confusion he is Tiger or lion……

Huawei Method:

  1. Hire a Cat; give him a salary of a Lion…
  2. Give him work of 3 Lions
  3. Tell him to work late and even on weekends…
  4. No time for food and family, automatically die

InfoSys Method:

  1. Hire a lion
  2. Send him for training in Mysore and make him feel like the KING OF THE JUNGLE.
  3. Make him take a ‘Generic Compree Exam’…………LION TURNS INTO CAT
  4. Make him take a ‘Stream Compree Exam’………….CAT TURNS INTO A MOUSE
  5. Send him into production which has nothing to do with what he was trained for.
  6. MOUSE RUNS HERE AND THERE FOR HELP!!!
  7. Send him mails telling about mandatory certifications.
  8. MOUSE COMMITS SUICIDE.

Read it, appreciate the humor, forget it. 😀 Enjoy!

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  1. #1 by praveen on June 6, 2007 - 2:56 pm

    Never mentioned about the policies in masterminds interactive dude…. !!! may I come in… :-)) !!!

  2. #2 by ...... on June 7, 2007 - 9:04 pm

    hehe =)

  3. #3 by Some More on June 23, 2008 - 7:32 pm

    East India Company Way:
    Cage the Lion and send it to London by ship with no food or water, make it a slave for some white rat.

    KGB way:
    Mix plutonium in what ever the Lion intakes with out its knowledge.

    British Police (General Dwyer) Way:
    Put the lions in an arena (like Jalianwalla Bagh) and keep shooting until there are no more lions alive.

    Japanese Old Nationalist way:
    Brain wash the Lion into believing that his act was not worthy of his stature, and the Lion will automatically commit Hara-Kiri.

    Pakistani Way:
    Blame the Lion of adultry and commit mass rape.

    American Dream:
    Brain wash and sell the Lion huge mortgages.
    Once the Lion comes to senses, it will either declare Bankruptcy and cease its existance in that form or commit suicide.

  4. #4 by sarah on May 16, 2009 - 7:28 am

    You guys shoudld’nt kill lions, their sweet and caring animals. You have no right to kill them what if we killed your family or you how would you feel?
    You have to think about the creature. They only hurt or chase you because you have either frightened them or taken their terriotry. When you take lions or the cubs out of their natural habitat you are also killing them off that way because animals have marked their territory and if you just come along and think wow i wanna lion for my zoo or i want a pet lion cub, yeah that was cool in the 80’s but this is the 21st century pet lions are not dogs or cats they eat meat and what are we, we are meat so stop killing them off and you wont be lunch.

  5. #5 by Dubai Jobs on May 18, 2014 - 12:15 am

    Wow, that’s what I was looking for, what a stuff!
    present here at this weblog, thanks admin of this site.

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